I got a second wind to reduce all the “stuff” this past week. I’m clearly stressing… about what… I have no idea. At least this stress has the happy benefit of a cleaner more spacious home. :P
One of the my spontaneous clean-out sessions lead me down a very interesting path of self-reflection. I stumbled on my old space plan and rendering projects from college. I went through each one with care and had some surprising revelations.
1. How talented I am.
I know this sounds boastful, but I tend to be my own worst critic and self-confidence is not my strong suit. In many of my classes I felt I was behind the curve and in some cases I was, but there was also some very strong talent there.
2. I had a lot to learn.
Its kind of funny seeing what I thought worked. In the second half of my education I gave too much weight to criticism (see point #1), but in the first half I was too quick to reject the teacher’s comments. This is still something I need to work on sometimes. When you work in a creative field your projects can become your “babies” and a very personal expression. That’s why taking a step back is a key part of the creative process.
2b. Experience is priceless.
I can see how much I’ve learned since graduating. Nothing compares to making a plan and seeing it come to life. I am so grateful to have this enormous amount of experience now. Thank you Rejoy for giving me the opportunity to learn from you! ;)
3. Phoning it in vs. full hearted.
I could see, clear as day, when my heart was really in my work and when I was just getting it done. The creative muscle really needs to be cared for with just as much importance as anything else. Sure, there are times when you have to rush the process to get a project done in time, but now I can see if my heart’s not in it, its worth the extra day (or week) to change perspective.
Conclusion: I want and need to be a stronger creative.
What have I been waiting for? Hiding my true voice, lacking confidence in my own abilities and failing to keep my creative reserves fully stocked has benefited no one. I’ve been holding myself back in many ways. No more! Its time to fly amongst the clouds. Sure, there’ll be some turbulence along the way, but I’ll learn and grow from it and in the end I’ll look back with a sense of pride at what I’ve accomplished. And… if I’m very lucky, I’ll leave my mark on the world, too!